The Rules

Picasso famously said “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” And this quote might possibly perfectly encapsulate my artistic endeavors over the last many years.

I fell in love with photography in high school, but picked up a digital camera circa 2005 and thought my film days were behind me. Long story short, come 2017 I decided to leave my DSLR behind and focus solely on film photography.

Leaning into film was a learning curve as I became reacquainted with the medium and in many ways had to relearn how to shoot. I couldn’t put my new ways on top of my old ones and call it a day. I had to deconstruct and rebuild.

Come 2020 everything changed.

You know this, because for you everything changed as well. And what worked before 2020 no longer did.

Everything had to be deconstructed and reinvented. New ways could not simply be placed upon old ways. We formed new identities and discovered things about ourselves and others that were beautiful and painful. Some truths were twisted, while others were revealed.

I credit the monotony of the days, and the existential crisis into which we were all unwittingly plunged, for my next stage as a photographer. I embraced the identity I had started forming pre-pandemic, which was as an experimental photographer.

The sketch was taking shape around 2018 as I had grown comfortable with a film camera in my hand. I knew how to take an image with the exposure triangle in mind, what happens with under and over exposures, how film could push and pull, how to develop and scan, and other technical aspects.

I understood the rules.

But living under the rules was getting boring. I wanted to splash my insides all over the frame. And what’s inside is messy and complicated and full of emotion. I needed to learn to let go.

I started this process of letting go by embracing film soup in a way I hadn’t when I first tried the technique. Quarantine life was getting dull and I didn’t know how to spice up my images other than adding chaos through outside methods. Because this is exactly how the world felt at that time: boring and chaotic.

But what I didn’t know is that letting go would open up the flood gates. Embracing film soup lead way to running with multiple exposures and intentional camera movement and slow shutter speeds and freelensing and EBS and overall messy images.

Not that I don’t take clean images, but they’re few and far between.

Now before I keep going, let me clarify that this is not an entry stating that messy is better than clean. Or perfect images cannot evoke feelings.

Because I don’t believe that.

But I do believe in getting uncomfortable from time to time. Even now, I am finding my experimental methods a little too comfortable and am wanting to find new ways to push myself.

I also believe you have to know the rules before you can move on to push forward into the discomfort. And the discomfort is where the growth happens.

(Just remember there isn’t only one way to get uncomfortable. My way might not be the same as your way.)

Rules and boundaries in life are good. They keep us safe and help us flourish. Nevertheless, boundaries are meant to be pushed on and stretched.

We are not meant to go from strangers to lovers in one swift move. In any intimate relationship, the boundaries soften and shift as trust is built. They aren’t torn down, but widened to allow pieces of ourselves to intersect. The pen becomes a run becomes a secret garden of beauty and delight through time and intention.

The same is with any of our relationships, whether it be with another person, a camera, a paintbrush, or word. Without time and intention and understanding the existing parameters, our efforts to stretch the boundaries will simply result in knocking them down.

It’s as if knowing the rules is a way of softening the boundaries, thereby making them pliable. And once they’re pliable, they are begging to be pushed on.

So if you’re just starting out on a creative endeavor (or any endeavor, really) don’t skip the first step: you have to learn the rules. Learn the rules and live within them on repeat. Become an expert.

But once you reach expert status, don’t stay there. Honor the work you put in to make the borders supple. Start by softly pushing on the edges. You’ve earned it. You deserve to break the rules.