Follow The Boggart
It’s the holiday season and that means watching Harry Potter movies with my kids (why does this connection exist? Unsure. But in related events, you better believe I’m also the kind of person who thinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie.)
Unpopular opinion, but the third Harry Potter book has always been my favorite. It’s always felt like this really special outlier in the series, because it’s one in which Voldemort isn’t the bad guy.
SPOILER ALERT:
In fact, it’s this book in which the bad guy ends up being the good guy and the good guy the bad. It’s a book in which the orphan Harry connects with his godfather and finds family in the midst of his loneliness.
It’s a story of vindication and love and belonging.
Part of this story involves the students confronting creatures called ‘Boggarts’ in their defense against the dark arts class.
If you’re unfamiliar, Boggarts are non-beings of unknown natural appearance. They are shape-shifters and when they encounter someone, they take the shape of that person’s worst fear.
In this particular class, the teacher has students learn the “Riddikulus” spell, which transforms these shape-shifters into something comical rather than remaining in their terrifying form.
With each incantation, the fear in the class turned to laughter. Spiders suddenly have skates, snakes turn into jack-in-the-boxes, and a full moon into a deflated balloon.
You could hear the bated breaths being expelled. Students could think clearly. And levity filled the room.
I find this charm helpful in my own life as the Boggarts lurking in dark corners and in wardrobes rear their ugly heads.
It’s been no secret that this season has been one of stress and anxiety. I’ve written about my grief and anniversary PTSD over on my Patreon as I have tried to process what it means to give myself grace as I move through it.
One of the things anxiety has tried to do is make me afraid of this new life path I have chosen. This particular Boggart tells me that the only way forward is to do the “practical” thing and quit my ventures and find a “real job”.
It has told me that if I’m not miserable, I’m doing it wrong.
It has told me that I don’t deserve happiness or joy and that I might as well just resign myself. Turn back, in fact, because continuing forward is only going to let me down.
Boggarts really are nasty creatures, aren’t they?
So how do I perform my own Riddikulus spell? I follow the trail of the Boggart.
A recent Boggart has been telling me I should be afraid of this whole entrepreneur thing. So I followed the trail and said, “what am I afraid of?”
I am afraid of finances not coming together. Which would mean I cannot provide for my three boys and myself. Which at a basic level entails not putting food on the table or a roof over our heads.
So my fear is ultimately that I will end up not being able to feed my children and we will live in a box.
My fear is that we will Live. In. A. Box.
Ridiculous, yes?
As soon as I say it out loud to myself (or anyone else) we immediately recognize the absurdity of my fear.
I turn my Boggart into something ridiculous.
But even that isn’t my biggest fear.
Turns out my biggest fear isn’t ending up in a ridiculous box, but it’s working a job that is unfulfilling and makes me feel boxed in.
So lately what have I been telling myself?
“Maybe you should quit what you’re doing and take a job that is unfulfilling and makes you feel boxed in. Because that’s the practical thing to do.”
L
O
L
Did you spot it?
I’ll highlight it
“....Because that’s the PRACTICAL thing to do.”
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist
And I’m sure the Devil did that through some crafty rhetoric.
Because if you follow my logic trail above, I didn’t admit it felt practical to work a job that I find unfulfilling. I said it was my worst fear.
So let’s rephrase what I have told myself with what I actually mean. Let’s undo the rhetoric:
“Maybe you should quit what you’re doing and take a job that is unfulfilling and makes you feel boxed in. Because that’s the thing that fear is telling you to do.”
But fear is a Boggart. It’s something that sets out to scare you, but you can actually call it out for what it is: something utterly ridiculous and laughable.
It will disguise itself and use words to pretend it’s the most important thing. But it’s all a façade. It’s a shape-shifter and only a semblance of what it pretends to be. (That doesn’t make it any less terrifying, though!)
If you’re familiar with the book/movie, you know that Harry actually uses the Boggarts to hone his skills as a wizard. He keeps encountering his fear over again to work on a spell that later saves his and his godfather’s lives.
He willingly faces his fear in preparation to push through the actual struggles in life.
This is why we should never do something out of fear. But as we honor the fear and keep going, we can be assured it’s honing our own skills to encounter the actual, real struggles.
We have the power within us too. We just have to keep going.
And anyway, It’s laughable to let the Boggarts win.
Maybe one day I’ll explain why I think this moment is one of the most powerful and bittersweet in the entire franchise.